In my experience, ‘Empathy’ is a concept that is often misunderstood, and even more often poorly executed. In my opinion, empathy is quite simply the most powerful conversational tool that, when executed well, differentiates the great leaders from the pretenders.
OK sorry – maybe I’m getting a bit ahead of myself.
There was a time when asking someone, “How are you doing?” meant something different than it does today, and I believe the COVID-19 pandemic is directly responsible for this. Do you remember, during the ‘before time’, when we were all guilty of saying something like, “Hi, how are you?” and not stopping for or even being open to a response? We weren’t really asking how the other person was doing – all we were doing was saying hi. We were acting as though the other person’s perspective or experience didn’t matter enough for us to really ask about it.
Enter COVID-19 – the ultimate game-changer. All of a sudden, those of us with any capacity for valuing someone else’s perspective or experience started to fumble around in conversations because we could no longer ask how someone was doing and not mean it. The pandemic has forced us to realize that we need to acknowledge others’ realities if we are going to be able to relate to one another much less engage in conversations that matter.
The concept of empathy is not new. Many books have been written about it, and many people claim to be ‘empathic.’ In order to demonstrate true empathy, however, we need to put aside (as best as we can) our own opinions and perspectives in order to have any chance at appreciating someone else’s. If we are really going to be able to see the world through someone else’s glasses, we need to take our own off first.
So, what does all of this have to do with leadership? As leaders, we may sometimes feel as though our perspective matters more somehow, which can cause us to weigh (consciously or unconsciously) our ideas and opinions as more important, valid, or correct. This can be particularly damaging, however, since our failing to show that we value our team’s perspective can alienate us from them and leave them feeling as though they don’t matter. The moment another person feels as though they don’t matter to us is the moment we damage our relationship with them, potentially beyond repair.
So how do we lead with empathy? Again – lots of books have been written about this. At the risk of over-simplifying a skill that should (in my opinion) be practiced constantly, leading with empathy means doing whatever needs to be done to show that others’ opinions and ideas matter, and that how others are doing really matters. I challenge you to think about the importance of empathy the next time you ask someone how they’re doing. If we all suddenly started to truly mean it when we ask this question, I have to believe that the (post-pandemic) world will be a better place.